What do you want to be when you grow up?

Growing up, we are always asked.."What do you want to BE when you grow up?" You know, until a few years ago, i never realized how momentous this question really was. In our society, we are asked this question incessantly from childhood into adulthood by our parents, teachers, friends, and even strangers!
I always had elaborate dreams as a young girl of what i would 'BE'. Around age 5 i began to tell people that I wanted to become ALL of the following: The President of the United States, a Singer and Dancer, and a Winn Dixie check-out girl (yeah..not sure where in the world that one came from?! lol). Although I was very involved in singing and dancing most of my life..I think I've grown away from the Presidency and check-out girl dream. :)
I was so involved in singing and dancing in fact that I majored in dance at The University of Alabama and I also was in all of the musicals in the theatre department. I just KNEW i would perform for the rest of my life..the dream of who I would BE would be fulfilled. After I graduated, however, things quickly changed.
Soon after I graduated college, I went to Mobile, alabama, where one of my sisters lives to help her pack up and move. She had accepted a job in Columbus, Georgia, and she was so excited for the change of scenery! On moving day my fiance, Brandon, and his brother, Adam, came to help load all of the heavy items and clear out the house. My 4-Runner was completely loaded up first, so I decided to go ahead and get gas and get a head start on leaving Mobile. The weather was beautiful! I can remember just feeling so happy and care-free as I drove onto I-65. Life was good. No, it was GREAT!
My elation did not last forever, though. A few miles up the interstate I noticed an 18-wheeler ahead of me that was driving erratically, weaving in and out of each lane and speeding. I even called my fiance and told him about this truck, but I soon felt better about it because I knew this truck was long gone. However, about 30 minutes to an hour later who do you think I saw speeding up behind me in the right lane?! Yes, it was the same truck, and it didn't seem to be slowing down. I moved over into the left lane, and I thought I was in the clear..but then..without warning, he began to merge over into the left lane. He came inches from my vehicle before I finally jerked my wheel to the left to avoid him crushing me. What happened from here changed my life forever.
My vehicle tried to overcorrect the sharp turn and immediately sent my car to the egde of the right lane..and then I began to flip. I flipped 5 times as my head hit the road on each rotation. I remember being able to anticipate each blow and trying to cover my eyes and crouch down as low as possible. When i finally landed, I began to fall out of my vehicle. But what I felt before I fell was the most horrific thing I have ever touched. I raised my right arm and went to touch my head, but when I did..there was no scalp. I was touching my skull.
There were several good samaritans that stopped to help, and I could hear them saying they didn't think I was going to make it. They layed me on the ground and put a white sheet over my body (not really sure why). Soon I heard my sister and fiance (now husband) yelling and running towards me as I waited on the ambulance to arrive. They had just passed my vehicle and had not even recognized it at first but then turned around in doubt. As they realized it was me and were running over to me, they saw me covered with a white sheet. How ominous that must have been. But, I was alive and fighting.
My life is very different now. I am SO blessed to be able to do the things that I can do now. But, things are very difficult. I suffer from chronic headaches and cranial pain; i have spinal damage down each and every vertabra, so my neck and back always hurts as well. I have some eye problems that four surgeries couldn't fix, nerve damage on my long thoracic nerve, scapular diskonesia, equilibrium problems..geez I could go on and on! I see a pain doctor, a myofascial therapist that specialized in structural integration at least twice a week, and a chiropractor.
There are many things that I cannot do anymore, but, on the flip side..there are many things that I can do. And on top of that, there are many things that I was told that I would never do that I am doing!
One of the biggest hurdles though that I had to face..and sometimes continue to face is letting go of MY dreams. We do not realize how much we begin to identify ourselves with our careers and dreams beginning at a very young age. This goes back the beginning of my post in pointing out how often we are asked "What are you going to be when you grow up?" I am definitely not saying in any way that we should not foster dreams and have goals in life! However, I just think even noticing that we are asking children what they will BE could possibly be redirected in a more positive way. We begin thinking at a young age that whatever career we choose is who WE will BE. It defines us.
I didn't realized this until I had so much taken away from me. I had always unconsciously defined myself as 'the dancer'..and when that was taken away from me I felt like I had lost more than a career path; i felt like i lost ME. It was devastating. I have now spiritually and personally grown so much within that I am able to see how damaging my thoughts were and how many gifts we are all given in life beyond those we readily see. I also have a different idea of what I want and who I am and want to be.
If asked today "What do you want to BE when you grow up?", my answer would be much different..and it would change in different seasons of my life..and I would have several answers at all times. I want to BE a witness, I want to make a positive impact on peoples' lives, I want to BE a great wife, and now that I am four months pregnant I want to BE a great mom! How funny is that..before my wreck when I was in perfect health with the world at my disposal I wanted to be ONE thing..and now that I have so many limitations, I have ENDLESS things I want to be!

unseen footage?

Well..here it goes..my first entry in my blog.
I am sure if you have stumbled upon my page you are probably wondering, "What does she mean by The Unseen Footage?" or "Why did she name her blog 'The Unseen Footage'?" Well, the answer is actually quite simple. When you think about unseen footage, what usually comes to mind? Most people, including myself, automatically think of the scenes that did not make it to the screen when a movie was being filmed. Now lets take it a bit further and apply this term to life. In all of our lives there are the things that make it to the screen (or that we allow people to see..or things that people assume when they see and speak to us) and there is the unseen footage, or the things that people never know about us or never see in us that mold us into the person we are standing before them. In my opinion it is the unseen footage that makes the picture..it's finding what didn't work, experiencing frustrations and loss, exploring, searching, and incessantly growing.
Welcome to my Unseen Footage.